I am in Denver. I used to live in Colorado. I miss it here. I have seen many old friends. The long drive yesterday was a good one. I realized something.
Ever since I started this blog and started talking about my TS online I am getting more comfortable with it. I am not constantly trying to hide it. I mean I am but not as much I used to. I think it is a step in a very important direction for me. I have been hiding from my TS for so long. And I have been hiding it from the world.
I am not saying I want to tell everyone I know that I have TS. But I am thinking less about who is noticing and how and when I should hide my tics. It still sucks. I mean I am still ticcing, regardless of how comfy I am. I am just fighting the urges less.
I wonder if in the future I will not hide it at all. I wonder if I will just let it go. That may be what my life will be like one day. I can't imagine it. And it doesn't necessarily sound so great. Having people stare and feel uncomfortable around you is not always a welcoming situation.
But who knows. That just may be the way we all end up, eventually. Apathetically going about our days.
3 comments:
WOW. A very different post from the first one you wrote, and the same one I read many many months ago.
I kind of like this new "open to the possibilities" you.
I'm still checking in...and will continue to...
Until then...
I think you're a brave young man and I hope you keep us posted on your progress. (Physical and emotional re:TS).
Jessie
Good for you! I don't think you will ever just be completely open about it... I don't think anyone with TS is. BUT, I am so happy that you are ACCEPTING it more. As well as not being so worried about what others think.
My son doesn't hold his back (I think he hasn't learned how to do that yet), but he does try to hide it a little bit in front of certain people or places. I think that just comes natural, because even at his young age, he knows he is different and doesn't want to be the topic of discussion.
I am slowly starting to see a change in him. I want to stop it, but am afraid I can not. He is getting older and more perceptive of his surroundings. We have always been so open about his TS (since he was diagnosed at 3) and yet I find him trying to hide it now at times. I wonder who made him realize this? Is it just part of going to school and getting older. I don't want him to have to hide it and be fearful of it. When he tics at the store, no one stares at him (I know, because I constantly look and see if anyone dare give us a snare...I would have to pounce on them).
His tics were crazy out of control for the last 2 months and I took him to Nickelodeon for 3 days and just wore him out. We got up and stayed busy from 8 am until after midnight each night. By him physically being tired, it makes his tics wane down. Why is that? Does anyone know? Why is it that if we let him stay up until 11:00 on school nights, he doesn't tic much at school and has good days. But, if we put him to bed at 8 or 9:00 on school nights, he has bad days? Do TS people not require a lot of sleep? Is it that their bodies are so physically tired, that their minds can't force the muscles to tic? If anyone knows, please tell me!
Tic, Tic, glad you are enjoying yourself and glad you are getting more comfortable. You are a blessing. Keep blogging!
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