I had a dream last night that I told a total stranger that I have Tourette's. It felt great. She told me she thinks her husband sniffs all the time and she thinks he might have TS. That's when I told her I did. I figured she doesn't know me. Why not tell her? Maybe I should do that in real life. I think I will. The next time someone asks or it comes up, I will tell my story.
Last night I was at a family function. I always feel some pressure during these things. I am constantly trying to hide the tics. And they know I am ticcing. They probably notice them because it is not as easy to hide them when people know you have them. Usually when I hide them, it's by combining the tics with some other natural looking movement so they're not so obvious. But that doesn't work in a crowd of people who have seen you tic before.
Whether they notice or not I am still refraining from ticcing as much as I normally would. Even if I told everyone I have TS, I would still hold them back. I just don't want to be the focus of everyone's attention. I just want to exist as a member of the group. But I will always be different. Hell, my family is full of issues. Plenty of the people in that room have their own demons to deal with. It's just that mine are out in the open for all to see.
Can't I keep my demons hidden away like everyone else? Why must mine be on display? The whole world knows I have some serious shit to deal with. They can see it all over my face, literally. Sometimes I just wish TS was more like OCD. With my OCD symptoms, the madness goes on in my head. The tics bring that madness out for viewing. Let me be crazy inside my head like a normal nut! I want to be crazy inside! Is that so much to ask?
3 comments:
Hey, do you have TS?
There, there's your chance to tell a complete stranger!
My son Caleb can keep his Tics in all day at school. As we all know, Kids are BRUTAL! As soon as he gets off the bus, he is in Tic Heaven! I find the more I mention his Tourettes, the moer he tics so we just act like it is normal.(to him it is). One day at the park he was ticcing really bad and an IGNORANT mother actually told her child to get away from him that he was weird and probably contagious!! We need EDUCATION!!!
You sound like my son. My heart goes out to you. I have OCD and sometimes the battle in your head isn't so easy either. Believe it or not, the OCD is also noticable to others and they still think your wierd. I ask everyday why my son had to have TS. I only know he was born that way for a reason and maybe there is a lessoned to be learned by those around him and we haven't yet figured it out. My son has had severe vocal & motor tics since the age of 3 (he is now 7) and he has up to 12 tics at a time. It is awful, but I just protect his environment and NO ONE in our family or at our family functions will EVER stare at him or say anything about his tics. I would beat them down for it. So, I think he does feel like he is just a part of the group. But, at the same time, he does know he is different. I just wish I had the magical formula for making them go away. When my son gets really bad, we try natural rememdies. Have you tried the Amino Acid supplement and diet Therapy? It really does work at reducing the tics..ALOT!
I wish you comfort and peace and please know that you are not alone.
God Bless and thanks for add.
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